The Walking Narcissists – The True Living Dead

Narcissism, especially Malignant Narcissism, an overview

Month: April, 2013

The End

My time is over.

The final hurdle has been crossed and I am listening to see if there is anything more that I need to write about. There is silence. My heart no longer beats the rhythm of what I need to write.

For me, that means I have fully come to terms with everything.

I have reached full awareness, I know all the signs, and I am fully equipped now to take on any ‘attack’ on me and my truth path.

I am aware but I can move on knowing that with my awareness, I will be able to pass through without the harm that I had before.

There will always be threats but I have fresh eyes, clean heart and a renewed soul.

This is the end of my past.

I wish you all well. Be good, be kind and be honest with yourself and others. Continue your battle to claim your life back, raise awareness within yourself and have faith in your truth path.

Show faith in it, be loyal to it, listen to it. It will be the best, most protective and most loyal  friend you will ever have.

See you around.

Anne

Please Try to Remember

I may be writing about this, a very heavy topic and at times quite hard (when discussing past happenings) but please try to remember that I lead a very busy and loving life. I have other hobbies, other dreams, other interests.

It is natural, on first discovering just what you have been a part of, to become obsessed by it. This, is part of the process. However, please try to remember to fill the rest of your time with things that make you smile, things that you love, things that love you and laugh…please, don’t lose your laughter.

You have spent your life immersed in it, please try not to spend the rest of your life chasing it.

Listen to your self and know when it is time to move on and fill that gap with things you find joyful.

You now have your life all to yourself, ask yourself what you would like to do and go and do it with enthusiasm…you will be amazed at just how much fun you will have.

 

All the best

Anne

Why the Abuse is So Successfully Hidden/Marginalised within the MN/Narcissist Sphere

“The complexity is embedded within our world view and how (we believe and also how it actually does) it views us.

———————————-

Being in love with these creatures there is only the hamster wheel.

They are the swan above the water and you are the feet below, furiously peddling to keep her/him afloat.  This is what the world views – only the swan, not your hard effort.

Do not think for one moment that the world sees your efforts; your efforts are hidden. You will be reprimanded for not peddling hard enough by this swan when in private; the private time that should be taken to soothe and express and reciprocate mutual love and solidarity.”

———————

The previous post focussed on being in love with a MN/Narcissist.

This post will now focus on how MN/Narcissists manage to keep the abuse secret and remain successful.

This will include MN/Narcissists within our external world as Higher Authorities (businesses, governments, medical world, charities etc.) , as well as our one to one relationships (families, friends, colleagues, partners etc.)

The two paragraphs found at the start of this post in quotations are the key behind continued abuse and success.

Let us start on grand scale then shrink the analogy down to one to one relationships.

I asserted within an earlier post, here, that due to their complete loyalty towards their own truth path (that of being MN/Narcissist) they will ultimately flourish and thrive. They will, due to their pathology, be a success within any facet of   Higher Authority that they choose. Because you are their opposite, you will find that you provide them with everything that they need to thrive and sustain. You are their host, remember.

About the only time you will see destruction will be (as stated within my first post) when they completely annihilate the opposite (and therefore, themselves – no opposite, no host, nothing to live on) or if all good people cut off their contact from MN/Narcissistic areas.

The latter means; pin pointing and isolating all companies, supermarkets, governments, charities, banks, teaching establishments, families, medical, suppliers, etc. etc. etc.

Pin pointing and isolating all MN’s within these establishments and isolating their Narcissists that they have collected to act as their foot soldiers. Pin Pointing the Character Disordered within these establishments and providing effective healing therapy so that they are allowed to re connect with their own truth path before it was so violently corrupted by the MN/Narcissists in their life.

Now, this – even to me – is an incredulous answer to our problem. Unless we perform a computer re start on the world (like my own individual one), then it must be left to the realm of pure idealist fantasy.

Within Establishments, it is fairly evident to see that the vast majority of establishments operate from a stance of MN.

What does this mean to you, the good person?

Should you be employed by one of these establishments, then I can imagine that you are run ragged, drained, in personal conflict, running a dual personality (corporate BS vs, personal ethical world view), working long hours as your salary remains the same or decreases, made to believe that your personal life is within their rights to investigate and use against you (facebook sackings anyone?), Human Resources that hold file after file on you, medical demands, slashed pay should you fall ill, very little benefits while demanding huge loyalty to them, corporate re shuffles at a whim, hire and fire (through countless loop holes), constant testing on your loyalty through in house ‘learning’, divide and conquer within teams as people are encouraged to snitch, compete, push down, their fellow collegues – to become the ‘golden child’ of establishment being the goal for most or at the very least, ignored to just get on with earning a salary (this usually never happens though, you get enmeshed one way or another)  and all under the umbrella of ‘there are plenty of people out there who can replace you’.

You require a salary to provide for your living costs (and family, should you have one) but it ends up costing you greatly. The mob family model runs these establishments (where all ‘wealth’ – knowledge, power, monetary, influence etc. –  is filtered upwards) and no one is of equal value, not even peers.

Living in a world such as this; it will come to pass that it infiltrates family dynamics. You live in malignancy long enough and it will rub off on you.

Why?

Because, we the citizen, view the world and we can see in a multitude of examples that the more Malignant the establishment, the more success it reaps from the world. What these establishment give out is minute in comparison to what they take – and they only give out just enough to keep, you the good person, pacified. Furthermore, there are a plethora of other establishments out there that encourage this kind of malignancy in order to gain benefit from the rewards.

Imagine the Malignant establishment as the Swan. Its workers and patrons its legs. You, the viewer, see the success of the Swan – gliding about displaying itself – no one (unless you are employed by them) sees the legs furiously peddling while under threat of dismissal (or any of the above that I have stated). Patrons consume from these Swans, making the world view hold on to the belief that this model works, and works very effectively.

Should abuses of power be shown (i.e using children work shops abroad, mass buying of land in a country where land is at a minimum so that no competitor can set up shop, using free labour while reaping huge profits etc.) then of course there will be an outcry however, it will only be when it can’t be ignored. People are generally good, but there will always be a reason to ignore/turn a blind eye to it – that of how useful said company is for their own survival.

Workers will always continue to work for these types of companies, the wheels will always continue in successful motion because there is absolutely nothing in this world that promotes and sustains – in as much of a successful manner – non exploitation.

Within families, MN/Narcissitic power reigns so successfully to the detriment of the family because;

1. Family Higher Authorities are the only means of survival for children. Children need to trust in their Higher Authorities to survive and if this is turned on them then it is only natural for a child to blame themselves for the dysfunction.

2. Outwardly, MN/Narcissitic families look extremely together. This is due to conditioning, it is too much of a risk for a child to not committ fully to the unit.

3. If there are any outwardly facing dysfunction, then it is usually blamed on the lower rungs of the family ladder and the blame is never taking by the HA’s. Ostracized or punished, either way, this public show of recrimination usually allays the outwardly facing world concerns.

4. The figure heads are usually always gloriously turned out and seem to drive the unit to success within their chosen facet of the world (religion is one such facet).

Should you compare these points with how HA’s and their establishments work, you will most probably find a running theme. The observers of each (observers looking at a MN family or observers looking at an establishment) see success and assist with the sustainability of this success by applauding it.

It is this superficial surface of glossy success that manages to hide/marginalise abuse. We, as a whole, celebrate success and it really doesn’t matter how that success is achieved or at what cost. If the figure heads (of any type of HA) look the part and ‘look’ like they are providing to their sub ordinates, while attaining success and making it mutually beneficial to all then what happens at a deeper level is of no concern.

We have all been basically conditioned to believe that if harm from a HA happens then it is because we created it and we must be punished for it. Which means, why would anyone proclaim it to be an abuse?

You have no right to state that you are working too hard, not being seen as an individual, not being of any other value but how much you can do for others, not allowed opinions, not allowed to object or deny, not allowed boundaries of privacy etc. You are part of a collective and you are only allowed to stay within the assigned role unless another role is needing to be filled for the HA’s continued success.

It is very rarely that the observer will see the abuse because the abuse is so deeply ingrained within our own societal structure that while we may say “Oh the children!” should we hear of child abuse, we will then go to work and be abused and plundered ourselves – to perhaps pay for our own children’s way through life.

The world view relies on success to keep the world turning; how we view what the signs of success are, perhaps, needs to be changed before we can truly pin point HA’s attacks on those who can’t get out.

I assert that moving past the Glorious Swan sheen of super white feathers  and seeing how fast they move through the water, will be a sure fire indicator of something very, very wrong. If there are many callouses on the feet and none on the Swan, see the cost of success.

Finally, know that each and every single one of you are part of a MN cycle – to what extent, is up to you to discern.

Abuse of power is marginalised ‘kept hush, hush’ both within establishments and at grass root level. This is because the need for image and success is far more important than a cog. Remember, you work as a unit within the mob style operandi and success at any and all costs while keeping a shiny image to be admired and supported is key to the ‘business’ plan.

There are some success stories, of the regular Joe, who stood his ground and won and this is to be admired. However, should you speak to the regular Joe and look into his eyes, you will see the price it cost him to gain justice and/or his own success.

Until we change what it means to be successful, until we understand that we are truly never free but given limited freedom within the box, until we stand with the person wronged and not ‘sit on the fence’ , until we see through the sheen and believe in the callouses, until our needs do not supersede other peoples need for basic rights then we will forever be part of the growing problem that is the MN sphere.

DSMV

I am currently working on another topic (which is related) but came across this today and it highlights two things that I have mentioned earlier.

Good People in Higher Authority have a tough battle to maintain a balance.

The Malignant Higher Authorities are expanding their reach.

 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9073596/Shyness-could-be-defined-as-a-mental-illness.html

 

Will spend more time watching how this develops but I am sure we all know how it will turn out.

 

Food for your own thoughts.

Peer Relationships with Malignant Narcissist/Narcissist

I stated in my previous post that my next would be surrounding anyone who is entangled in a relationship with a MN/Narcissist.

Relationships are incredibly complex while incredibly simple at the same time.

There is a plethora of information that I can offer in a general sense, however it can only be left down to the individual – you – to decide the when and how and why specifically ‘you’ related.

I will never say leave (although, you and I both know that ultimately that is what I, including yourself is thinking) but I will never underestimate your intelligence and self awareness by saying anything other than what I am thinking and what I have experienced. It is then up to you how you use it/not use it. Regardless of what you may choose, know that you have a friend in me.

Should you be entangled or in company with a Narcissist that is your friend, sibling, colleague, class mate, teacher, doctor, psychiatrist etc. this is equally as detrimental to your well being but for this post I will be concentrating on the sexual partnership aspect of relationships.

I stated earlier that relationships (referring to sexual ones; of which, I will now call relationship/s within this post only for ease) are simultaneously complex while simple.

The complexity is embedded within our world view and how (we believe and also how it actually does) it views us.

The simplicity is embedded within two people just wanting to be together and expressing it outwardly.

And this is where the conflict begins. This is where you find yourself at a loss should you find yourself in love with a MN/Narcissist.

The outward is expressed from simplicity and put into an external world of complexity. True love knows how to deal together with the conflict this conjures. Knows, maybe not right away but at least learns and learns together, that one will support the other and vice versa when the conflicts rear their head.

Through the trials and tribulations, communication comes to a mid way point and is filtered back into the couple as strength – as a strengthen tool which enables the couple to move forward, progress and become reciprocal.   Experiences  that challenged them as used as ‘learning from’ tools.

While challenges always appear, it is never the same mistake twice for healthy couples and they soothe one another and further strengthen their allegiance through the loving act of sex and affection.

As I entered my relationship on the cusp of developing into a ‘no return’ Narcissist from a character disordered and my partner was himself a character disordered, I understand and would never state that there are specific ‘red flag signs’ to look out for when entering a relationship.

Ours was a crazy relationship, of which I will tell you why in another post, and it looked like – from the outside – that we were crazy to stay together.

While I am in the minority that did reach a successful and loving ending (although one can never tell what the future holds, but for now we are successful) there are thousands who are trapped by their partners, circumstances, society, religion etc.  There are thousands who have escaped and still feel trapped. There are thousands questioning why they ended up where they did because they thought they were good people, smart people, strong people.

For those people I have the following for you;

It is precisely because you are good, kind, smart, strong, clever…it is because you embrace every facet of your humanity with such a vibrancy that you will come into contact with the very creatures who want to destroy that within you.

As I said in an earlier post; your very weaknesses are your strengths.

I will save my own relationship for another post, but the thing that I would like you to ponder on is this;

My partner and I entered our relationship as character disordered with Narcissistic defensive traits. We (used to) lead extremely chaotic lives together and apart. What kept us together was one thing. Yes, of course we love one another but that wasn’t enough clearly. It was because we loved something more than ourselves and was determined to better ourselves because of it.

I am certainly not saying that you get (or get your partner) pregnant. No, what I am highlighting is the fact that we wanted to better ourselves. WE.

Not I, not you. Just WE.

I changed myself and my horrible personality (not all was horrible but it was getting to be that way) and he changed too.

It is still a working progress and we still face external conflict as we express our new selves outwardly. We still have moments of ‘ARGGGGGGH!’ or moments of depression but we come back to one another a day or say later, talk about it and learn.

The main thing for us is expressing how we feel, taking a lesson from it (ie. not doing it again if it was horrible) and moving on to the next challenge.

Now, I would never dream of typing on here like a love doctor warrior. I am a MN/Narcissist warrior, but love is something I am still very much a novice having only loved once when I was a teenager (he committed himself and also tried to kill himself on a few occasions after acquainting himself with my family) – unless you are speaking about my child…that, yes that, is some kind of love I feel reverberating through my entire body and feel entirely familiar with.

The point I would like to make, through my own example, is that we learn. We progress. We face new challenges.

There is a certain type of linearity with progression. A consistent “We learn, we try, we try, we fail, we try and we succeed, then we move on to the next thing to try, try, fail, fail, try and succeed.”

Being in a relationship – being in love- with a MN/Narcissist, there is no try, try, try, fail, learn, try, try, succeed, try, succeed, try, fail….

Being in love with these creatures there is only the hamster wheel.

They are the swan above the water and you are the feet below, furiously peddling to keep her/him afloat.  This is what the world views – only the swan, not your hard effort.

Do not think for one moment that the world sees your efforts; your efforts are hidden. You will be reprimanded for not peddling hard enough by this swan when in private; the private time that should be taken to soothe and express and reciprocate mutual love and solidarity.

This, this is what it is like to be in a MN/Narcissistic relationship.

I will not print a list for you, the good person, to watch out for. You are worth more than a list and your individuality with your experiences are more complex than a list.

You deserve, and should have shared time to be the swan above the water and also, the feet peddling furiously below.

That is love.

That is sharing.

That is progression.

That is learning.

That is something they will never have but will always try and destroy within you.

And this, this is precisely why they hunt you out. Because you have something they will never understand.

If one can’t understand it, one set’s out to use and destroy it or destroys themselves – the latter will never happen, so it only falls to you to discern and stand firm.

I am aware that children in a relationship adds more complexity and I fully empathise with those who are in a relationship only to protect the children. I offer you my full respect and support. Your strength to stay in order to protect the children is the ultimate act of love and I hope one day you and your children get an ‘out’ opportunity and you all flourish.

Please know that my thoughts are with you if you are protecting not only yourself, but your children.

The Chameleon Deception

This post will concentrate on chameleon deception by MN’s and their derivatives. Please refer here and also, here where I have previously touched upon the topic.

Within nature, the chameleon has the characteristic of being able to change colour to blend into the background whenever they feel threatened or wish to display how they are feeling. Not every type of chameleon can do this, however, for the sake of this argument let us concentrate on the type that can.

Another characteristic is independently moving  eyes and an extending suction type tongue.

Transfer these characteristics to what I call, chameleon deception, and you will see why I have named it as thus.

I will now take each characteristic and show you exactly what I mean.

Changing and adapting oneself to blend in to the background and appear just like its surroundings, has a multitude of benefits. Firstly, if a MN/Narcissist feels like they have been cornered – that someone has just caught on to what they have been doing (either in one isolated incidence or in general) – then the easiest way to divert focus of their predatory ways is by showing themselves as “just like you”.

This, in malignant terms, means they will feign the emotions that you, the good person has and that they know you, the good person, will recognise and forgive. The objective is for you to self doubt and deny the reality that these creatures are not as wicked as you thought. To get you to mistrust your instincts is one of the top attacks ploys of these creatures.

Secondly, if a MN or Narcissist appears ‘normal’ and appeals to your humanity this means that they are hiding their true motive; an attack in the very near future. The more ‘normal’ they appear and the closer you are to feeling connected to them, the sooner this attack will be.

Thirdly, if they require something that you have then this can be done fairly easily if they blend into the background and do it covertly. This can be seen a lovely, warm, receptive facade in front of others while making horrendous attacks on you as a person under the radar – attacks that you would only be privy to…attacks that others may join in due to ignorance that the MN/Narcissist is like them. A blending into the background could camouflage them but could make you see a threat everywhere. An inability to differentiate between the ‘background’ and the enemy means you could mark everything as being the enemy and further isolate yourself.

Independently moving eyes means, in MN/Narcissist terms, that these creatures play the long game. They use the past and project the future with the middle as chess pieces to however they want the future to manifest. They take in the environment in its entirety and are master manipulators to getting what they want. Do not think for one minute that because you are out of sight, you are out of mind. If it takes one day or twenty years – if you are in their heads, you will be in their hands.

The long, sticky and highly effective tongue, within the MN/Narcissist arena, means that they generally do not have to chase for very long, they can and will reel you in. Should you be chased and/or charmed, you will find that this is very short lived by enough time to attach their hooks and keep you firmly stuck in their clutches with little further effort from this predator.

I hope the chameleon forgives me for assigning my analogy to this little lizard.

My assertion is this;

They have honed their skills for generations and understand you, of human qualities,  very well. They do not possess your human qualities, but are aware of them and will use them against you. In order to get you they will, without any further thought, blend/merge with their background (background being family, friends, businesses, medical, governments etc.) and you will be left not knowing which part is safe and which part is just the MN/Narcissist.

Watch the shifting inconsistencies, be aware that you are – if in their company – marked as prey, know that they play the long game.

Stay in the company of those who develop gradually over time, who have routines and beliefs that could change but only with some pretty powerful persuasion while remaining respectful to others and trust in those who don’t attack you when you feel safe.

My next post will be about having a sexual relationship/partnership with a MN/Narcissist.

Reaching the Cross Roads

This post will move slightly away from the cause and focus on the solution; you.

As I have stated, adult children whose Narcissitic Higher Authority was their care givers will generally reach their cross road dilemma in their 30/40’s. Something happens and these adults will see their present lives, relationships, past, career – their entire existence and how they relate to it – in an entirely different light.

I have read somewhere that it is like a fog has lifted. I suppose this is quite appropriate if the fog’s properties were toxic chemicals. However, this removes the power away from the affected adult and gives it to the ‘fog’. To suggest that the fog lifts, suggests that it lifted and you did nothing but stand there and watch it move away.

I would like to assert that these adults who realise and move away from the chaos do so because they find that they love something more than themselves and it reciprocates in a healthy normal manner.

For me, as silly as it sounds, the start of my journey began with a cat and was fully realised when I had my child.

Years ago, I was given a cat by my brother. He and his partner at that time treated this cat terribly, finding the novelty of “Lets move in together and declare our solidarity by getting an animal” wearing thin within weeks when the animal demanded more care, attention and stability than they were willing to give to anything outside themselves.

At that time, I was in an incredibly vulnerable state, living in the middle of nowhere and in a run down caravan just across the road from my parents. I had moved to this caravan because of my fathers increased physically threatening behaviour and my mothers refusal to do anything about it – at the time, I still believed that my mother had no role in this.

In order to ‘keep the peace’ (as I was being blamed for my fathers conduct because I was a ‘difficult’ person and I was ‘just like your father’ by you know who…I now know that my father was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive towards me because he couldn’t do it to the person he subconsciously wanted to do it to – his wife), I moved into a shabby caravan with nothing to keep me company but my computer an ex boyfriend gave to me.

I had a very image impressive job but was struggling daily to maintain my stability.

Just before the moving day, my brother asked me if I would take the cat. By this time, the cat was attacking the couple and wouldn’t let anyone touch it. Without any hesitation, I said yes.

I had a few days left at my parents and decided that the cat didn’t need the added stress of being in a house with such negativity looming over it, so I decided to set the cat up in one of the dog kennels. It was dry but dark but I thought it would be a more calming place than in the house. Before I put him in the kennel, I asked him what he would like his new name to be and he looked me straight in the eyes and a name popped into my head.

I left him in the kennel and apart from him attacking me every time I went in to give him food and water, he stayed there in quite a calm state.

When we moved to the caravan, it felt like I needed eyes on the back of my head. Every movement I made was met with this huge Egyptian looking cat launching itself at me, trying to rip me to shreds. This was even more problematic considering how tiny the caravan was – there was nowhere to hide, I just had to stand there and let it happen while never letting the cat get a reaction out of me (for some reason, I felt that the cat was testing me to see if I would retaliate and beat it).

It took about 1 month of being constantly attacked, when I was sitting at my computer when the cat came charging in from the window (we lived on a farm, so the window was always open) and did this huge almighty miaow and jumped on my lap. Of course, I was scared but I stayed put. He started to purr and drool and I petted him for the first time.

From that point on, it was me and my cat. He wouldn’t let anyone come near him but with me he was that affectionate that it was like he was trying to merge himself into me whenever he sat on my lap. I loved that cat, he was my only friend at that time and now he loved and trusted me.

I have had many animals before that time, but never before had I felt any true connection to them. With my cat, we had a bond because he trusted that I loved him and I trusted myself to love something more than myself. We were inseparable and I finally began to realise what it meant to have love and give love.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t to be. My cat was run over one day when I was at work and it was my mother who told me. It’s my belief, based on everything else I have come to realise, that it could very well have been her who ran my cat over because she had the habit of removing everyone else in my past that she had believed that I had loved or had loved me more than her (quite a number of people in my childhood disappeared with the answer from my mother being that ‘they had been deported’, animals disappeared with ‘gone to a farm’, boyfriends becoming mentally instable  after long drinking nights with my mother in my absence, forcing me to break up with them etc.).

This is further proven by the fact that a few days after the death of my cat, while I was still incredibly heartbroken, she invited the entire family to supper. As they all gathered around the table, my mother pulled out a huge roasting dish and I looked into it and saw what looked to me like a cooked cat.

It was a rabbit, an animal that my mother had never ever cooked before in her life. It looked just like a cooked cat and that was enough for me to completely freak out. Everyone sat at the table, embarrassed and obviously wishing me to stop the hysterics, while my mother stood at the end of the table and said with a sneer  “For God Sake, get over it.” then carried on putting the huge roasting dish in the centre of the table (again, she had never cooked like this before. Meals were always dished out per plate then given to each person for them to eat wherever they like in the house or we cooked for ourselves). My sister now agrees with me that the whole scene was ‘strange’.

As a side note; My sister isn’t a stranger to my mother’s way. But for the most part just now due to my mother conning her into becoming business partners, tries to block it out. My sister, when living in another country, was told by a friend of hers that our parents had moved 40 miles away from the home she thought they still lived in but hadn’t told her.  When she confronted my mother via a distressed phone call asking when she planned on letting my sister know (they had lived at the new address for months by then), my mother just laughed thinking it was hilarious.

To continue; I went into the living room, still crying, while my family continued to eat and have a laugh, like I didn’t exist. Once they had all finished, my brother came through and said that he would take me home. Still crying, I went home and a slight glimmer of a conscious showed in my brothers face. He gave me a hug, told me he was sorry about my cat and that he had earlier suggested to our mother that he would buy me another cat but that she had said no, because it would get run over again and she couldn’t cope with that kind of hysterics from me.

So, I wasn’t allowed another cat (baring in mind here, this was when I was in my mid to late twenties…I should have been a fully independent adult woman by this time) but the seed had been planted.

While it was the catalyst for me moving even further into isolation, both physically and mentally (with only my parents and a community pyschiatric nurse as my contact to humanity), believing that I posed a serious threat to people. It did lead me on a journey which directly lead me to having my child and reach my cross roads.

Because of that cat, I knew that I could love and that something could love me (although, I did also think that I was cursed to never have love). Because of that incident, I plunged deep into a psychosis and was appointed a psychiatric nurse who cared for me. Because of that nurse, she helped me to move back into a city and away from my parents (in hindsight, I can see that she saw precisely what was going on as she kept telling me that there was nothing wrong with me and her brow would furrow each time I mentioned what my parents had been doing).

Her meetings with my parents, still I was oblivious, was being witness to them showing up on my birthday with a giant tea cup and saucer, about 2 foot in diameter, and a lemon cheesecake – I hate cheese cake – laugh and leave. Another time, on moving to the city and offering my antique wardrobe to my nurse by way of appreciation, my father moved the wardrobe into her home and cut his finger. He then stood in her kitchen squeezing his hand, letting the drops of blood fall all over her floor and only moved to cover more area while refusing any tissue offered. She didn’t bite, she ignored him and gave me a hug and wished me well. While my mother sat in the van pretending she was the queen without so much as a ‘how do you do’ to the woman who had effectively saved my life.

My life went from bad to worse once I moved into the city; that another time. However, the seed was planted.

My ultimate cross road came at the birth of my son. Apart from a few weak moments when I believed that I could ‘save’ them, I haven’t looked back.

I love my child, obviously, more than I loved my cat but it was because of my cat that made me aware that I had it in me to love and for another to love me…I had it in me to care for another person. I had it in me all along, its just I was never given a chance to do just that. So, my cross road decision was finalised – and you know which road I decided to take.

Your cross roads won’t be easy, it will probably be the hardest thing you will ever have to do because it will mean an entire shift from everything and everyone you have ever known and become accustomed to, to a place of ‘beginning’…as your perception changes, you will suddenly start to see unhealthy chaos in other areas of your life and you will have to ‘spring clean’ your life.

Its a huge uplift and not without a certain amount of threat (physical, slanderous, mental) to your well being by those feeling threatened by your awakening. For some, it won’t be the right time – and all I can say is, I hope  we see you again when you are ready but stay safe until then – for others they will ‘fall off the wagon’ a few times, when filled with a false sense of being strong enough to not be fooled by them anymore, for others they might not make it at all…suicide, murder, lifetime of mental imprisonment through psychosis/disorders/delusion. Or, joining them fully by becoming a foot soldier.

There will come a time when each and every single person is faced with their own cross road; what you do and which path you take will solely depend on how much value you place on your potential to realise your huge capacity to love others and accept love. Everything after that moment will fall into place.

As a side note; On looking through my camera of my child when he was just born, both my partner and I have noticed two pictures where he is looking up and just above his moses basket there, looking over him, is a ghostly image of a cat. Whether you believe in such things or not, I still think it is a lovely way to end this post and I find great comfort from it.

April Is Child Abuse Awareness & Prevention Month: Let’s Talk About What People Don’t Talk About

April Is Child Abuse Awareness & Prevention Month: Let’s Talk About What People Don’t Talk About.

Thank you to http://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/

 

 

Do Narcissist’s Ever Self Destruct

I thought that I would write about this for whoever it was that typed that question into their search engine and happened upon this blog. Its an important question and I imagine the inquirer was searching for something to combat the Narcissist in his/her life, albeit with some desperation.

I can fully empathise because I know what it’s like to be disarmed so completely that your last line of defence is hope that the Narcissist will destroy themselves. Do not take “Disarmed” lightly. This word does not do any justice to the level of life sucking Narcissist’s do – it does not conjure up just how lethal Narcissist’s are. To have a Malignant Narcissist and/or Narcissist/s in your life means your existence is under real threat. Never, ever under estimate just how true this is.

Should the Narcissist be your colleague or any other type of peer, such as a class mate or friend, while the rest of your environment is filled with healthy minded, good people then you stand a better chance of removing these Narcissist’s from your life with a recoverable (but never forgotten) damage to your well being and reputation. Remember though, your reputation is naturally flimsy so look at it as superficial damage – it’s your character that has the depth. Your stress levels will rocket and you may get sick, even have others around you questioning your integrity as the peer Narcissist weaves his web of deceit, but if you had a stable and healthy existence before this Narcissist entering your life then chances are you have an inbuilt foundation to see you through the rough time and recover with limited, albeit painful, damage. You will carry on with your life as before but with a war wound.

Should the Narcissist in your life be one of Higher Authority, one fully enmeshed in your life from the very beginning, then your life will be riddled with MN’s and Narcissist’s because that is what you were primed to accept. Your existence will then fully depend on a combination of a few things; a desire to live, luck, a questioning nature,  and did I mention, luck?

Now, I feel that I must explain what I mean by being ‘primed’. Generally it means, preparing something for the future use of.

Priming walls before wallpapering. Priming wood before painting. Priming soil for growing vegetables…etc.

The preparation of a base for the application and retention of the desired end result.

This means three things for a child with HA’s as their community;

You, as a child, best chance of survival is emulation.

The further away from the desired result, the more priming you will face.

You will bare witness to, and be subject to, tactics equalling a country ruled by a dictator…of course, relatively scaled down.

Terrorising, physical abuse, sexual abuse, manchusen by proxy, emotional withdrawal/enmeshment leading to Stockholm Syndrome, language manipulations, denial of reality (‘I put my key here 2 seconds ago, where is it?’ ‘I would have seen it, think you must be going mad’ – as the key is put in HA’s pocket and then put back to its original resting place once victims back is turned ‘There it is, it was there all along…I must really be going mad’), divide and conquer, peer violence, isolation and confusion, religious indoctrination and exorcisms and the list goes on and on.

The World Health Organisation has banned the torturing of prisoners of war as it is against their human rights, yet everyday – I can pretty much guarantee this having spent over half of my life within the Mental health field and my entire life with a less than healthy family/extended family – I would bet my life that there are thousands of children right now fighting for their very existence within a world akin to being a prisoner of war.

The harder you resist the conditioning, the harder they will work to condition you. There is no limit and they will not stop until you are fully submissive and fully enmeshed in cognitive dissonance.  Should you manage to retain your sense of self, your immediate environment will be unbearable and more than likely, you will choose to run away and take your chances rather than stay any longer.

The problem is, retaining a sense of self and your boundaries/sense of right and wrong/healthy inter relations with others/career becomes increasingly difficult to do the younger you are enmeshed with MN’s/Narcissists.

There are pivotal development times within a child’s life that absolutely depend on the Higher Authority’s attention.

I am not saying that Higher Authorities get it right all of the time (the HA’s that are responsibly minded) however, if there is a consistent abuse of power over children then yes, there will be a problem with that child’s developmental progression and a high risk that child will form detrimental character attributes that will hinder full growth along their own truth path.

A fully conditioned child will place full responsibility of any chaos imposed on them fully on themselves. This is why adult children of these creatures generally do not waken up to the reality until they have reached 30/40 years old. Something happens, they wake up and are faced with two choices; close their eyes again and continue with the chaos or work hard to remove it.

This isn’t a baseless argument; I have spent a long time researching as well as watching my siblings and cousins as they enter the crossroad years and have found that each person who reaches the cross road years make their choice based on some sort of risk assessment. There is no judgement, we all need to do what we need to do with the tools that we have at that time but with the people that I know who have chosen (on witness to reality) to close their eyes again, I have to say good bye and good luck. You can’t sit on the fence and play both fields based on sentimentality; only hope that they get a second chance to re assess and join the normality of life.

Now, to the question of Do Narcissist’s ever self destruct.

No.

Remember my assertion;

MN’s are born that way. Narcissist’s are formed and are untreatable once they consciously deny their truth path. Character disorder‘s retain some sense of truth but are so skewed they will need to rely on a few factors to come back to their true sense of self otherwise will be destructive towards themselves and others by default.

MN’s follow their own truth path, our opposite and therefore do not see themselves as threatening because they do not cause themselves harm. They will, unfortunately, flourish and be quite successful within their own chosen sphere (family, government, medicine, teaching, charity, religion etc.). Dying like the rest of us, about the only time they will understand their mortality.

Narcissists, while classed as the foot soldiers, can only be destroyed by their Higher Authority – the MN in their life (one directly related or not). Otherwise, they will continue and flourish although sometimes will take a hit from good people who reach their own limit with them and have the backing to put up a good fight, but these are generally recoverable. Narcissist’s may feign self destruction, they may feign submission, they may feign ‘enlightenment’, feign a turn around and offer apology but these are all tactics. You don’t need to take my word for it, just view all of the politician ‘scandals’ to add depth.

Character Disorders generally always self destruct. This is because they are the only sub group that has effectively two personalities; their truth path and their Narcissistic Defensive/ pre conditioned, both battling within for ultimate domination.

The self destruction can take two forms; stay with the battle and eventually self destruct or give in to the conditioned and become a foot soldier – a fate worse than death to my mind, but one that has far reaching ramifications.

So, focussing on MN and Narcissist’s, how do you combat something that seems impenetrable? You don’t.

Your only line of offence is one of defence; defend your goodness, pass it on to other’s and avoid such people as often as you can. Should you be in a position of Higher Authority then know that your road will be a rough one but if you can positively affect one person’s life so that they revert back to their truth path, then know that you fight a good fight and are valued.

We can never destroy, only transform. So, transform and cultivate yourself and reach out to others in acts of kindness and love. It has a deeper effect than you think.

Who Is On Your Side

I have discussed that the Malignant Narcissist is born that way; is your truth path’s polar opposite and will usually hold positions of Authority in order to block you from obtaining your true potential – your human potential, your truth path.

I touched on what Position of Authority covered and that parents who were MN’s or its derivatives were always the first point of contact for conditioning children into becoming adult cattle for the ultimate consumers.

The MN can not be changed, can not be cured and I have stated that these creatures must be taken with more seriousness than has been applied to them before. I have stated that while there may be good people in Authority, they are unfortunately in the minority (at this moment in time) and sometimes under estimate their enemy (through naivete or human arrogance)  or are left in isolation to stand up and battle against them for what is right, true and just.

I have also stated that the MN and Narcissists actively seeks out pre damaged/primed people (damaged by Narcissists before them or by a MN directly…even by a character disordered although this is quite rare) and hone the shard in their heart for them to become fully fledged Narcissistic foot soldiers, who go on to damage others (never themselves) or remain Character Disordered with Narcissistic defensive characteristics (while still damaging others but more so themselves) .

I feel that once these primed people reach a critical crossroad and consciously deny their truth path, following the MN down the craggy road, they will be incurable – they will in fact, worsen as they get older and their Narcissistic corruption will find a facet to flourish in; religion, psychology, medicine, family life, politics, teaching etc. There is no cure for the foot soldier.

Furthermore, I have stated that “Character Disorders” within the Psychiatry Manual are those poor souls who may have Narcissistic defensive qualities but are by products of being harmed in their formative years by the foot soldiers and MN’s. They are just like the Narcissist foot soldier with the only difference being that they do not fully believe the hype. In that, they haven’t fully denied their truth and they do have some sort of limit/morality/boundaries/self law with a small window of opportunity to return to their truth path at certain times in their life, of which they can choose to ignore or acknowledge. The Disordered, until they have chosen to follow their truth path, will have a constant battle within.

They are lumped in with their abusers, which further weakens their fight to get back on to their truth path because they are forced to empathise/understand their abusers and align themselves to their abusers like they are one and the same. They generally give up and believe that they are just as bad, living a chaotic life harming themselves and others.

The lucky ones who manage to find their way back onto their truth path face a lifetime battle of re-programming the conditioning and starting a new life from scratch, away from everything they have ever known and with very little past gravitas to aid them in a new beginning – they find themselves wishing to start again but at the mercy of other people to give them a chance at building a new future and contending with conditioning fleas…they need people to believe that they have changed their spots while actually changing their spots. They have conscious choice throughout their existence and will have the capacity, just maybe not the courage nor full awareness, to change and follow their truth path.

My main assertion that MN, Narcissism and Character Disorder with Narcissistic Defensive characteristics are fully separate entities and may well be related but not in the way the psychiatry manual categorises them. MN is the top dog, is in and of itself evil and creates destruction – it spreads disease of the soul and it is the soul that is their enemy. The soul is part of a higher community, is interrelated with everything and needs to be connected for progression sake…it is a crucial strand within the thread of the overall being…Universal Being. 

MN should be never be underestimated. Narcissism is the working ant, incurable after a certain crucial point (usually late thirties to forties) and fully dependant on instruction from the MN (in its many forms). Character Disorders; treatable if willing, while in the hands of a human Authority otherwise they will live their lives as the underdog lacky of the Narcissist and MN respectively (in all of its forms).

To become a viable member of human society takes courage but it also takes luck.

Now what I want to discuss is who is on truths side.

I remember just after I had my child. It was the toughest 6 months I have ever had to deal with in my wretched, debased plug monkeys life not because I had a baby (that was the easiest part) but because I had to deal with a family who’s masks had been taken off and all of their disgusting glory was revealed to me in such a manner that I had to admit that my entire life was a lie and they had nearly managed to kill me in order to preserve their fantasy.  During that time, I had to make sure that my son was protected which meant I had to stand by my truth and face the aftermath alone.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but it was also the easiest. It was easy because I love my child with all of my heart, mind and soul. Every single fibre of my being radiates love for my child and there is nothing in this world or the next, nor is there anything scary enough for me to not protect him from harm. I will protect his truth path and potential with everything I have.

It was hard because I didn’t have to protect my son from opportunistic strangers but from my own family. From the woman who gave birth to me, from the father who drilled into our heads growing up that my mother was as maternal as Mary Herself. From the brother who I had brought up and been his life long cheerleader and from external family members who tried to reach out via my father.

It was me against everybody. Suffice to say, I have won but I can still feel them clicking at my heels. You don’t go through living in hell without building up into being one hell of a warrior.  They effectively toughened me up all of those years and created someone bigger, tougher and smarter than all of them combined.

While I was still a bit confused, still trying to deny reality and not fully clicked on to what extent the role my mother played in my past, I let my mother visit. My instincts told me something was wrong with each visit and my soul spoke to her many times through my lips with warnings that I didn’t understand (in hindsight now I see clearly) but she understood.

I also told her that I could smell a rat and if she didn’t tell me the truth and I found out she had been lying (lying about what, you ask? Well, consciously I had no idea – this again seemed to be instinctual) then I would be left with no other choice but to stop her from being in my life.

She swore black and blue that there was nothing going on, that my mind was playing tricks – hinting that maybe my mental illness was showing up again – that my father had his reasons for disowning me 3 days after I had given birth, that, that, that, that….and on and on.

My partner said tonight after yet another family happening (that just happened to bring me into it even though I have been no contact with my family of origin for nearly a year) reached our ears that he has never met a group of people so sly and cunning …so comfortable with lies. Its farcical and quite pathetic watching how they worm about, writhing and rolling with a silver tongue, from the outside looking in. I can almost understand why people (who live in healthy environments) see it as so comical, almost. But, having lived in it to the point where had it not been for some unknown force (of which, I am eternally grateful) I would have been 6 feet under by now with these teflon maniacs standing above still kicking me when I was down, down, down…..well, all I can say is it wasn’t all that funny.

It sickens me just how manipulative she was and how willing she was to jeopardise her first grandchild’s safety by trying to trigger another mental attack within me. They both tried. They both failed.

You know, I battle everyday between wanting to write about my personal experiences in order to justify my posts and keeping it general in order to justify my overall perspective on individual truth within a dark time.

Truth.

The opposite.

What is truth in regards to Narcissism, in regards to MN?

Truth is harsh, brutal, cutting, upsetting, rejection. But it can also be respectful, loving, kind, caring, compassionate and supportive.

Malignant Narcissism and its derivatives is the former but never the latter.

I will cover some of the signs to watch out for when you feel like you are going mad in another post.

Today I want to show you who is on truths side…who is on your side.

Back to my story;

One of the very last times I spoke to my mother – I had given birth and  she had stabbed me in the back surrounding a business opportunity that she took for herself and left my new family in poverty. She went back to my father for his money and his servitude, after she walked out on him a few years back (following half of my lifetime listening to her all night cries about how abusive he was and how she needed me to protect her and fight my dad for her because she wasn’t strong enough…fights which usually turned physical, while she sat there and watched) relying on me to keep her in my home, setting her up in a new home and finding her a job while openly admitting that she let my father believe that I made her leave him. During those years she still let my father stay at her place, got him to sell the family home and move to another house with promises that she would move back, told him she wanted to go on ‘dates’ with him as she always “loved the theatre” (another fantasy), took my unemployment money (I had just gone through a very traumatic redundancy and couldn’t find another job) that I offered when I believed that she was in poverty (looking back now, she earned more than my partner earns and he supports both myself, son, dog and home) because she said bills were high and my father refused to give her money – telling her (apparently) that if he gives her money she won’t come back to him. I also believe that she was privy to an affair or two and all of her spare money was going on vodka, secretly.

She stood up for my father when he disowned me after giving birth when I refused to let his family of origin come near my new family and with each visit, she would look at my child like he was the most disgusting, vile thing she had ever seen (if you have seen Roald Dahl’s Witches film and how the witches act whenever they see children, then you will be able to imagine how my mother was around my child…I even have photographic evidence of such), even after all of the memories that came flooding back surrounding her secret abuse of me…I still sat there outside my house with her while she cried saying that she is a “terrible mother”.

I put my arm around her and told her, once again, that she wasn’t…that her children turned out ok and sure, times have been hard but we have come out of it ok. I told her that she needed to stop living in her fantasy world as it was dangerous to her and she should just do what I do – work with the cards she was dealt with in her life, because no one is entitled to having it all and it was impossible for ‘everyone to get along’ (in response to her crying that that was all she has wanted).

She sat there will I acted like the parent trying to explain to a 4 year old why some of the kids just didn’t want to play with her. Her lip was out, my arm was around her while I tried to soothe her back into being ok… it sickens me just thinking about how manipulative and calculating she was. It is also ironic that I was telling her that her fantasy world was dangerous considering how enmeshed I was in the delusion that our family was ok.

This outburst was of course my mothers last line of smoking mirrors defense whenever I got too close to discovering the truth about her. And like a sucker, I fell for it every time, soothing her, helping her back on her pedestal  relieving her from apologising for anything she has done wrong to me or within a certain situation and completely casting my feelings to one side because “Oh your so strong, I wish I was as strong as you  but am not! I just want everyone to get along! I’m a terrible mother!” …because how can you say that you’ve been hurt by a woman who feigns admiration for your strength in the face of adversity, strength that she only wishes she had otherwise her family would have been different…strength that she had (of course she had no other choice! She’s so fragile! She’s the Virgin Mary reincarnate, don’t you know) to hide behind once I became physically stronger than her (roughly about 15/16 years old) because there just wasn’t any other way for that poor, defenceless creature to survive and be allowed to love her children the way she was ordained to. It was my duty to protect her from all of the savages, so she could bless us all with her heavenly glory.

What a crock of shit, but I kept falling for it. She pushed my ego button, she pushed my loyalty button, she pushed my conditioned buttons to the hilt. And after all of the above blatant rail roading she had did (and had also allowed) within a matter of weeks of my son’s arrival, I still fell for it.

“Oh your just like your father.” She cried while I held her. I took immediate offence to that, saying that I was nothing like him – that I may be his daughter but we were completely different. She immediately stuttered and said;

“I mean, your just like him in the way that you use big words that I don’t understand. If I could just understand some of the big words you and your father use then maybe, just maybe I would be able to defend myself.”

Once more, ego.push.button.fell.for.

I said to her that she had so many people protecting her, so many people were on my father’s side and who was on my side. Who had my back? Who stood by me? That I was fighting this battle for what is right, good and just by myself. They had their army, but where was my army?

Her reply was, “You have lots of people by you, you have an army.” (insert, just not her which is what my head said in completion to her statement).

“Mum, your a smart woman and a brilliant mother. Please don’t cry.”

She immediately stood up, wiped away her tears and ta da! She was perfectly fine once more. Bye! And off she popped, with a little skip to her step.

Her cornering of being held accountable was once again, averted. I was left sitting with my child in a head spin, not sure what had happened but still smelled that rat.

I believe this was the third last time I saw my mother. The point is, I knew I smelled a rat and I knew what I had to do in order to protect my son. I also knew that I was fighting for a good, honest and just life for my child and new family. I was standing up for my own value as being good. The problem was I was still walking blind. It was like a lost word, a tip of the tongue moment…you know its there but you just can’t grasp it, so you wait and it appears.

It appeared for me; daily. Flashbacks from my past – Bang! Bang! Bang! In and out, they just kept coming. It’s said that your mind blocks stuff to protect you and then reveals things when you are strong enough to deal with them. The mind is a glorious instrument, it knows your limits. Obviously, I must have been gaining strength because these memories were coming thick and fast but I had nowhere to ‘put’ them.  Only a few of the flashbacks contained my dad, the rest were all my mother. I was in shock as I moved into the memory from a new perspective, an educated perspective, a maternal perspective.  My past took a new form and unfortunate things that seemed, growing up, like I was cursed was revealed to not be a curse at all…I just had an MN as my Higher Authority and a Narcissist as her foot soldier leading me into constant danger.

I felt completely alone and distressed. I turned to my partner but didn’t fully trust his motives or his family because my head was reeling with the true nature of my life. I was terrified that my partner and his family were just as morally corrupt and disloyal. I had one friend and a past riddled with broken connections. I became hyper protective of my son.

I stopped breast feeding when my son was 10 weeks old because the stress of everything meant I stopped producing milk. The time I was meant to bond with my son was filled with truth about my life. Real brutal, honest, cruel, upsetting, cutting truth. But with that brutality came compassion and love. The reality hit me and in came love, compassion, honesty and kindness.

People have now entered my life; they were always there its just that I had no space in my delusion for them to live in. Once I released the delusion that was my life and embraced the reality that it wasn’t me that was crazy, it was my family, good people found their way in. With the rising of my self-belief, self-worth and confidence that I alone was the master of my own life came the dawn of a new beginning for me, filled with regular, chaos-free relationships. My life and my surroundings are…normal.

And that is all it took; a reality check on how I conduct myself, how I value myself, how I love others. I love with honesty , not through a martyr/saviour complex. I love people, with all of their human attributes and failings and feel confident that they reciprocate. I know the meaning of love.

As I came to terms with how much of a scapegoat I was within my family, to cover up the multitude of craziness they had been doing, more and more people began reaching out. I was being validated through normality for the first time in my life.

With regards to my interactions with other people, it wasn’t like I had suddenly become a glory blaze of enlightenment that made me realize just how damaging my own family were…it was precisely the opposite. It was because the people around me now were so human…so full of failings but yet so aware of their humanity and went about their lives in a human way, which made them so beautiful. I could sit with these people in my post trauma vibe and yet they would flit about still showing their vulnerabilities, still look after themselves and still reveal or hide sections of their lives and even when I was completely aware of them judging me (which of course, is totally human) it really didn’t matter as much as it had done because I was being judged by peers, not by gods, and that meant I belonged. I had spent my past existence living in a world that comprised of my parents brainwashing their children into thinking that they were deities, that I was their offspring’s carer because of their god-like status and reminded daily to never trust anyone because they were jealous of me having god-like parents.

The final ‘official’ hurdle for my validation was within the medical field(surrounding my reputation, it was going to take years to sort that one out but I had the patience and the humility to work towards fixing this and I also knew that it wasn’t my character but the filmsy reputation that had been ruined – my character had never been questioned…character is a synonym of your soul, reputation is a synonym of your fallible humanity) .

I needed to speak to my doctor about it and then hope for the best. The worst scenario was in speaking about my hypothesis – that I was the scapegoat and I wasn’t actually crazy but that they had made crazy – was if the doctor wrote in my notes that I was delusional and perhaps creating a scapegoat within them. But,  I had to do it because I needed to clear my name in order to move forward into the next chapter of my life without my past hanging over my head, threatening to destroy any foundation that I attempted to create. I didn’t want this axe to swing over my, or my new families head for all eternity…regardless of the outcome, I had to at least try.

It certainly didn’t help that I turned up covered in a facial infection and absolutely exhausted due to a very demanding baby who just abhorred sleep. It didn’t help either that my trusted doctor had left on maternity leave and I was faced with a new doctor who could only read my notes.

Deep breathe and just do it. This voice whispered.

So, I just told her. I told her that I was well aware just how crazy it sounded and that I had zero credibility to back me up but here it was.

I told her, briefly that my parents were severely sick and I was only just coming to terms with that fact now that I had freed myself from their clutches. That my brother had tried to strangle me to death 6 months after I had given birth because of my parents and had now disappeared and that I was trying to create a life for my child and new family but that I was scared that my medical history would continually block me from making a fresh start. That my family was toxic and I have now woken up to this.

She stood there; wrote a prescription for the bacteria infection on my face, told me that I was burning the candle at both ends, that my body was telling me that I was doing too much and that if one day I can’t get out of my pyjamas it’s because my body needs a time out. Basically, I was running myself into the ground by trying to be the perfect mother and partner. She then told me the thing that I needed to hear;

“What you went through was based on situation. If anyone contacts us regarding your medical history we have all the proof that we need to let them know that it was situational. Don’t worry.”

And was there any chance of clearing my name?

“You can’t wipe your medical history clear, no. But, what you can do is draw a line under it and not let it ruin the rest of your life. We will back you.”

The weight of the world was lifted.

I left with my child and even though my face was covered in hideous scabs and I felt like I could sleep for a century, I felt uplifted and renewed. I felt like I had my credibility back and I felt like I could go down the path that I was meant to travel without fear of slander.

The slanderous will continue to slander but now I knew that words could never hurt me. Now that saying meant something. You know why? Because I had claimed it back from them.

So, who is on your side?

There are plenty of good people on your side but they will always stand away from the fire that you continue to burn until you yourself put it out.

If you dance with the devil, you will sure to be burned and good people don’t want to be burned because they have their own lives to lead. They will, however, protect you once you leave the flames.

Good people are prevention rather than fire fighters.

If you know you lead a chaotic life and you are not sure why, look closer to home. Change through brutal honesty over your own failings.

You will find that the dynamics between people and yourself become easier once you come to terms with your own failings, and by coming to terms with your own failings you will rid yourself of the Narcissists around you.

It is because you believe the MN’s and their derivatives hype (Hype meaning good or bad abuse of your self, depending on if you live on the good or bad abuse about yourself) about you that you deny through every facet of your being, the good people around you.

Your army will stick with you if you show a bit more loyalty to them. That’s precisely what I am doing.

The one thing to combat these creatures? Show a consistent adherence to loyalty to your truth path. Be consistent.