Do Narcissist’s Ever Self Destruct
I thought that I would write about this for whoever it was that typed that question into their search engine and happened upon this blog. Its an important question and I imagine the inquirer was searching for something to combat the Narcissist in his/her life, albeit with some desperation.
I can fully empathise because I know what it’s like to be disarmed so completely that your last line of defence is hope that the Narcissist will destroy themselves. Do not take “Disarmed” lightly. This word does not do any justice to the level of life sucking Narcissist’s do – it does not conjure up just how lethal Narcissist’s are. To have a Malignant Narcissist and/or Narcissist/s in your life means your existence is under real threat. Never, ever under estimate just how true this is.
Should the Narcissist be your colleague or any other type of peer, such as a class mate or friend, while the rest of your environment is filled with healthy minded, good people then you stand a better chance of removing these Narcissist’s from your life with a recoverable (but never forgotten) damage to your well being and reputation. Remember though, your reputation is naturally flimsy so look at it as superficial damage – it’s your character that has the depth. Your stress levels will rocket and you may get sick, even have others around you questioning your integrity as the peer Narcissist weaves his web of deceit, but if you had a stable and healthy existence before this Narcissist entering your life then chances are you have an inbuilt foundation to see you through the rough time and recover with limited, albeit painful, damage. You will carry on with your life as before but with a war wound.
Should the Narcissist in your life be one of Higher Authority, one fully enmeshed in your life from the very beginning, then your life will be riddled with MN’s and Narcissist’s because that is what you were primed to accept. Your existence will then fully depend on a combination of a few things; a desire to live, luck, a questioning nature, and did I mention, luck?
Now, I feel that I must explain what I mean by being ‘primed’. Generally it means, preparing something for the future use of.
Priming walls before wallpapering. Priming wood before painting. Priming soil for growing vegetables…etc.
The preparation of a base for the application and retention of the desired end result.
This means three things for a child with HA’s as their community;
You, as a child, best chance of survival is emulation.
The further away from the desired result, the more priming you will face.
You will bare witness to, and be subject to, tactics equalling a country ruled by a dictator…of course, relatively scaled down.
Terrorising, physical abuse, sexual abuse, manchusen by proxy, emotional withdrawal/enmeshment leading to Stockholm Syndrome, language manipulations, denial of reality (‘I put my key here 2 seconds ago, where is it?’ ‘I would have seen it, think you must be going mad’ – as the key is put in HA’s pocket and then put back to its original resting place once victims back is turned ‘There it is, it was there all along…I must really be going mad’), divide and conquer, peer violence, isolation and confusion, religious indoctrination and exorcisms and the list goes on and on.
The World Health Organisation has banned the torturing of prisoners of war as it is against their human rights, yet everyday – I can pretty much guarantee this having spent over half of my life within the Mental health field and my entire life with a less than healthy family/extended family – I would bet my life that there are thousands of children right now fighting for their very existence within a world akin to being a prisoner of war.
The harder you resist the conditioning, the harder they will work to condition you. There is no limit and they will not stop until you are fully submissive and fully enmeshed in cognitive dissonance. Should you manage to retain your sense of self, your immediate environment will be unbearable and more than likely, you will choose to run away and take your chances rather than stay any longer.
The problem is, retaining a sense of self and your boundaries/sense of right and wrong/healthy inter relations with others/career becomes increasingly difficult to do the younger you are enmeshed with MN’s/Narcissists.
There are pivotal development times within a child’s life that absolutely depend on the Higher Authority’s attention.
I am not saying that Higher Authorities get it right all of the time (the HA’s that are responsibly minded) however, if there is a consistent abuse of power over children then yes, there will be a problem with that child’s developmental progression and a high risk that child will form detrimental character attributes that will hinder full growth along their own truth path.
A fully conditioned child will place full responsibility of any chaos imposed on them fully on themselves. This is why adult children of these creatures generally do not waken up to the reality until they have reached 30/40 years old. Something happens, they wake up and are faced with two choices; close their eyes again and continue with the chaos or work hard to remove it.
This isn’t a baseless argument; I have spent a long time researching as well as watching my siblings and cousins as they enter the crossroad years and have found that each person who reaches the cross road years make their choice based on some sort of risk assessment. There is no judgement, we all need to do what we need to do with the tools that we have at that time but with the people that I know who have chosen (on witness to reality) to close their eyes again, I have to say good bye and good luck. You can’t sit on the fence and play both fields based on sentimentality; only hope that they get a second chance to re assess and join the normality of life.
Now, to the question of Do Narcissist’s ever self destruct.
Remember my assertion;
MN’s are born that way. Narcissist’s are formed and are untreatable once they consciously deny their truth path. Character disorder‘s retain some sense of truth but are so skewed they will need to rely on a few factors to come back to their true sense of self otherwise will be destructive towards themselves and others by default.
MN’s follow their own truth path, our opposite and therefore do not see themselves as threatening because they do not cause themselves harm. They will, unfortunately, flourish and be quite successful within their own chosen sphere (family, government, medicine, teaching, charity, religion etc.). Dying like the rest of us, about the only time they will understand their mortality.
Narcissists, while classed as the foot soldiers, can only be destroyed by their Higher Authority – the MN in their life (one directly related or not). Otherwise, they will continue and flourish although sometimes will take a hit from good people who reach their own limit with them and have the backing to put up a good fight, but these are generally recoverable. Narcissist’s may feign self destruction, they may feign submission, they may feign ‘enlightenment’, feign a turn around and offer apology but these are all tactics. You don’t need to take my word for it, just view all of the politician ‘scandals’ to add depth.
Character Disorders generally always self destruct. This is because they are the only sub group that has effectively two personalities; their truth path and their Narcissistic Defensive/ pre conditioned, both battling within for ultimate domination.
The self destruction can take two forms; stay with the battle and eventually self destruct or give in to the conditioned and become a foot soldier – a fate worse than death to my mind, but one that has far reaching ramifications.
So, focussing on MN and Narcissist’s, how do you combat something that seems impenetrable? You don’t.
Your only line of offence is one of defence; defend your goodness, pass it on to other’s and avoid such people as often as you can. Should you be in a position of Higher Authority then know that your road will be a rough one but if you can positively affect one person’s life so that they revert back to their truth path, then know that you fight a good fight and are valued.
We can never destroy, only transform. So, transform and cultivate yourself and reach out to others in acts of kindness and love. It has a deeper effect than you think.