Working World and Narcissists
During my absence I have discovered that we are happily expecting our second child. I have also secured myself a career that will financially reward me for my work horse ethic and while it is classed as an area that is predominantly a magnet for Narcissists, I have entered it with a confidence and surety of who I am.
This has been tested by one such Narcissist within the very short space of time that I have been there (a matter of weeks) – he obviously picked up the ‘scent’ that I had been primed previously. Something which I still need to work on in removing. However, what this person did not know is that I am no longer that primed person and I gave that person the shock of his life when I turned the tables on him, and he became publicly outed.
His tail is firmly between his legs and I have no remorse for what I did, nor will I ever throw him a bone. It is entirely questionable if he will even have his job in the long run – and if he ever tries to cross me again, then I will not think twice in attacking again.
Until that point, I am happy to wipe him out of my view and get on with my new career and not even so much as acknowledge his presence. Every time he has tried to get back into my good books (the usual ego stroking), I stare at him blankly and walk away.
This tells me that I am truly on the right path with learning who I am and what I can do; when you are sure of who you are and accept your past as part of you – but not of your future – then you can walk among anyone and shine.
I am shining, it is my time to shine and I will work hard to continue shining. It is like a psychic impenetrability, they arent get into my head anymore and I have solidified myself and my experience into a worthy opponent.
Within business, MN’s will protect and encourage Narcissists and allow these types to over run those who are not. Narcissists (not MN’s) are superficial in their knowledge of things – they will latch on to those who have worked hard to become knowledgeable and/or latch on to those who work hard. They will claim it as their own and regurgitate in a robotic fashion whatever they have taken from their ‘victims’ then publicly and privately try and destroy that persons reputation and self worth.
This is allowed and indeed encouraged as long as that Narcissist has the overall ‘image’ that business wants to project.
The key is to know and understand that their loyalty to each other is only as far as it maintains that image and does not impact financially on that business or their own image.
Considering that this persons knowledge was nil and fully dependent on capitalising on my ethics of being part of a team and sharing my hard work with others, then it was pretty easy to highlight his detrimental impact on the business image and future financial intake.
He now has his work cut out for him to prove that he isn’t a risk and no one feels the need to humour him. He enters the workplace in silence and leaves in silence – he has no power and no amount of ‘image’ will return that illusion back to him.
Of course, I will forever be in his radar and he will take any opportunity available to ‘get back at me’ but if you know that you are marked then its less of a threat than when it comes out of the blue.
It has also come to my attention that the reason why these types can get in-roads back within your environment to cause more harm is because of your over exaggerated levels of empathy – untrained, unfocused and most importantly, without any respect for your own worthiness – this is the ‘weakness’ that needs to be worked on within you to become a strength.
It is a strength but you must learn to focus it better and know the difference between loving someone but removing them from your life and loving them but confusing that with not loving yourself.
I work within the team and feel others and empathise with others. With regards to that person, I have re directed the empathy I would have had for him prior, towards those who deserve it. The only thing he receives is a cold, hard wall.
It does not make you a bad person for shutting people out who harm you. You of course may understand where they are coming from, why they do what they do or may even believe that they may not mean what they are doing – but no matter what you believe you are feeling the consequences of your belief and you are being harmed, yet you find their excuses (or the reason you want to believe) more worthy than your own safety.
Empathy isn’t there to make you subject to harm – if this happens then you are untrained, unfocused and not ready – it is there to connect and learn and mutually heal. It is there for progression. It is there for mutual progression.
Compassion, in its truest sense, is to understand compassion towards yourself comes first before you share it with others.
When you come across these types protect yourself compassionately and never once falter or delude yourself into thinking that empathy means holding that person up while you crumble beneath because you ‘know really why they do what they do’.
I will come back to this topic and also discuss taking responsibility for staying within the chaos. I will also be speaking about Narcissists and throats.
For now, I wish you well.