Protecting Yourself From Malignant Narcissist’s and its Derivatives PT 2
The first of these posts was by way of an introductory phase, focusing on the person who has awoken to the savagery of Malignant Narcissism but does not know how to protect themselves from it.
The main thing I tried to highlight was one of minimisation of future, unnecessary contact. While it may be hard for a person to look at their present environment, and clear it out into a healthier space it is probably easier for that person to assess ‘newcomers’ into their environment and make a concerted effort to keep them out.
This is because there is no invested interest nor tangled history, connection or feelings involved – they are potential relationships but still at a very superficial stage (for the person who has awoken) and it won’t hurt you as deeply should you keep them out of your life and there will be less of a ‘drama’ should you just state that ‘they aren’t your type of person’.
As soon as you feel that physical sensations that you are uncomfortable then back away. There is no need to delve in deeper because this person is yet to get a good hold onto you and your very being. Generally, people still accept this ‘clash of personality’ excuse and give it no further thought so there is no need to feel obliged to say any more or give it a try for them.
The other point that I made was that people who align themselves with a MN and its derivatives may not have anything against you – in fact, they may love you – but they are either blind due to their own societal priming, have their own secrets to keep safe (of which, MN is undoubtedly privy to or hint at being privy to), or feel they get something valuable from that relationship – like superficial flattery. The point is, while being upset is entirely justified, try to use that sense of betrayal into finding people who value you and support you while they travel their own truth path.
The final point I should re-emphasize is that, on meeting new people, always make sure that both parties are coming from a stance of equality. Should you be at a stage where this can be implemented within present, historical relationships, then do analyse every relationship for equality. Now, this does not mean that one shouldn’t respect another person for their place within the hierarchy with regards to age, status, position acquired through hard work, knowledge, beauty, intelligence, youth etc. By all means, respect another’s qualities and/or drive to better themselves – just the same as one would wish for should you be the person who has an exceptional quality to share and excel in.
However, this does not mean that one must bow down and submit to the person, regardless of how they use that exceptional quality and/or talent. Regardless of how they treat and view others.
To be exceptional within a field or have an exceptional quality means that one is even more responsible for extending it to others, sharing with others and committing themselves to others from a place of equality.
In other words, understand that your worth does not lessen dependent on the company that enters into your life and does not raise only when others lessen.
How you feel during an interaction is an indicator of the type of relationship it will become/has been.
I know many people who have been involved within a MN sexual relationship (but can be applied to any relationship) when they state that it was euphoric on meeting, that they made them feel like a prince/ess, that they were made to feel like they were perfect in every way etc. Then suddenly, it comes crashing down and the insults start as well as being made to feel like the exact opposite of the person whom the MN had said they admired.
Whether you are held up or kept down during an initial meeting is the same. They both serve the agenda of the person doing this to you and both will harm you.
To meet someone who respects and compliments you and your talent, but treats you as an equal regardless is the type of relationship that will enhance and sustain you and one that you should reciprocate.
We have all come to this earth at different stages, with different qualities and varying aptitudes for certain things. We will all move into areas that serve a purpose. Do each one well and to the best of your ability, share your learning with others and take learning from others but shy away from sycophancy and flattery.
You are all of equal value and all of equal importance to the tapestry of humanity.
This becomes especially hard to understand should you have come from a MN family. Being a child who has grown up in this environment means that you must either submit to, or rule over, who ever is in front you. It can be only one or the other.
In order to turn this extremism around, look to how you feel when in company of another. Do you feel superior or inferior? Is there anyone in your life right now who feels at your eye level?
Taken in context; If you feel yourself weaken in another person’s company or over inflate, only to deflate when away from them, then these are unhealthy relationships. There should be a consistency in your being regardless of the company that you are in and if there is not, then position yourself into an environment where there is a consistency.
Of course, there are times when this is impossible – such as doing a job you hate (but must, due to your finances) or crossing paths with those you would rather avoid – but, so long as you fill the majority of your life with energy mutuality and consistency then these unfortunate crossings will affect you only temporarily.
For long term relationships then it is equality that will sustain a healthy future.
I will continue this topic as and when it needs to be.
Wishing you all the best