Dear readers and fellow enquirers,
I have reached the end of my own personal enquiry. I have spent many long years analysing both externally and internally with as much brutal honesty as I could. There may be some things that you may not have agreed with, differing tactics you may have used, decisions you may have chosen to take. However, you were lead here as part of your own personal enquiry. You too are examiners, truth searchers, warriors and have a deep love for life in all of its facets. You are all incredible and the courage you have will never be defeated.
Keep researching, keep analysing, don’t ever give up. You may feel that no one loves you, that you are alone, that no one understands. I can assure you that a warrior goes into the woods alone, faces his fears, stands firm and when the night turns to day, sees clearer than than he has ever thought possible. Those fears lose their hold on you, those who attack you fall away and everything around you becomes something that you created.
The endless possibilities that I have for my future have been laid before me and it doesn’t have to be incredible or amazing. I have nothing to prove to anyone, I am no longer wishing for an acceptance or approval, no longer secretly desiring a mum and dad.
I feel this cycle has ended for me. I know this because I no longer have a burning desire to write about this. I am finding myself consciously stopping myself from continuing my research (as it had become a habit to pick up my tablet to research). I am consciously desiring to be in the here and now. I am no longer grieving.
I have accepted myself, I have accepted I am loved and now I must start to fully give love. I feel that this blog and my research (as well as the huge battle I had internally and externally to find my truth and cast away the past) was an incredibly necessary part of my grieving period. It meant that I couldn’t fully give myself to others until I finished this part of my journey. I had to solidify within myself through my writing. I feel this stage to be complete and wish to focus on my children and partner. My Family.
I feel this blog has served its purpose and I would like to thank every single one of you for being such a valuable part and support while I traversed the loneliest and scariest part of my journey. I was attacked from all sides (for they won’t let you be who you are truly without putting up a hell of a fight, using everything they have) but this blog and you readers, as well as all of your very honest emails about your own battles have helped me see clearly. I hope I have been of service to you also – spread your knowledge to others and live love when you are ready to.
And that is precisely what my next stage will be – to live love and spread this to others.
I feel, no matter how humble it is, I have found my truth path finally. My soul feels balanced.
My partner has been an incredible rock during this time. He rolled with it, respected me and was patient enough to be without a partner for years while I focussed on this topic and my origin family.
I want to be with him fully now – emotionally, physically, spiritually.
As one reader said – always try and maintain higher ordered thinking and never give up. Whenever possible, give out kindness, love, integrity, decency and gentleness. Build on this and eventually your demons will be silenced.
Be your own best friend and only surround yourself with people who love humbly.
Thank you and I wish you all the very best
With love and respect,